not because i don't want to

i can't blog anymore. i stare at the screen with writers block. everytime.

but when I am out, i often thing. bloggable. tap tap.. totally bloggable.

but those bloggable moments never seem to make it to the blog. or even to the front of my memory when I am sitting at my blog.

Like this past weekend. I was alone for 5 days. not alone. but without CW who has been attached to my hip pretty much since we met. [ and me to his] I had time to meet with old friends and go for dinner. I went out to the clubs 2 nights in a row. I had fun, but i also don't miss the life of clubbing.

I saw an old ' flame' shall we say. On Friday. I didn't speak to him. nothing to say, couldn't think of words, figured it was a good idea not to. really what did I have to say that wouldn't be weird? and i had a few drinks. i may have stuttered or mumbled or spit.

" hi how you been? whats new? "etc.... its not like i really cared. it only would have been out of politeness. so i said nothing, and laughed to myself at the absurdity of him playing his digeridoo to the beat of the house music played by the DJ.

I thought it was weird when i came out of the bathroom to find Travis doing shots of Hot 100 out of the bottle, tucked away in the back corner of the bar, with some girl named Jamie who we didn't know.

It was weird that i walked a very long way that night in flip flops and didn't get bleeding feet. When i woke up in the AM i saw that I had walked a hole right through my shoe. I was walking on pavement.

I spent alot of time with Cletis this weekend. so much that by the end of sunday, he was hiding on my bed sleeping, trying to get away from the petting and the holding and the ear scratching.

I mowed my lawn. my very own grass that i have decided to care for. it was so long it took 2 or 3 tries to get it cut. i don't have a rake. the dead grass no covers my lawn. so much that i can't even see my freshly cut grass. it smelled good though. it was a hot day.

I put chlorine in the hot tub. in preparation for the masses of people this weekend who might go in it.
i went grocery shopping and made healthy choices.

i do alot of stuff. i feel busy all the time. i somehow - have forgotten - how to blog about daily happenings

i should get back into it.

if only i wasn't such a comment whore. i feed on comments. i feel i need them to continue. but then i don't blog and don't deserve them, vicious circle really.

comment for me?